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Monday, December 31, 2012

Welcome to level 29

I woke up the morning after my 29th birthday.  I remember it was a beautiful Tucson winter morning—sunny, warm and lazy.  It was a Saturday and my duties as a visual merchandiser for F21 suddenly popped into my head.  The thought of filling the floor of the monstrous two-story clothing mecca for 8 hours straight, having to listen to complaints from customers and being pressured by management to work seamlessly throughout the day without feeling any sort of rewarding feeling as a result of me busting my ass seemed like a nightmare. They expect perfection at this store but are unwilling to pay for it.
I took this job as a part time occupation to help me pay bills while I am laboring diligently to make my own clothing line get off the ground after its first year in business. It was supposed to be a 20 hour a week gig to help with car payments, etc, and it turned out being a life/time/soul consuming activity that made me arrive at my house at 4pm daily wanting to do nothing more than eat, watch Netflix and sleep.
That’s what happens with part time jobs—if you’re not careful they turn into full time jobs that run your life.  Getting comfortable in a lifeless situation is a very dangerous downfall for the twentysome yearolds in a terrible economy…

But something in my head clicked that morning and I suddenly remembered all of my goals, life dreams, aspirations and passions and suddenly what was a chore was suddenly an impossibility in my mind.  NO. All my mind could say was “NO. I refuse to go into work today. Actually, I refuse to go into this job EVER again. I am 29 years old and I need to start living my life again”.
 And so it was that I never returned to the store to work, and I quickly found myself :

100 % self-employed.
100 % single.
29 years old.
living in Tucson, AZ. 

I love that first phrase. It makes me jump for joy! Yes, it is stressful as hell, but I know that I work best under pressure. If anything, getting out of my comfort zone is what will drive my business and any other aspirations to success.

The second statement is blurry at times and I’m not so worried about.  Let’s just say I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, I’ve had a lot of fun, and lately I’ve been nothing but disappointed. Yes, dating is fun—but it’s not everything.  If I ever let it become that I will hate myself.  I am single by choice, or at least because I’m tired of getting my hopes up and then having to rely on the actions of another to make or break my day.  I’d rather find happiness through other means, and if you happen to fit into my fun world, then let it be so.

The third statement is meaningless. I’ve never measured myself based on age, it seems silly and pointless.  BUT now that I analyze my decisions lately perhaps on a subconscious level it is starting to affect me and thus why I no longer take any bullshit.

The fourth statement is starting to annoy me. I never imagined myself living in the desert for this long.  I’ve travelled so much in my life, and I love the ocean and big cities more than anyone else I know…yet I’m back living surrounded by dirt, cacti and no public transportation.  I miss walking, everything being open, dancing until 7am, all the art imaginable and the crazy cultural interactions—all which I had in Buenos Aires…and then decided to drop and move back “home”. Not to put Tucson down, but it seems to be the place people always return to and not necessarily by choice. I have my friends and family here, and for this, Tucson will always hold a special place in my heart. But….get me out of here!!!

Since this is my 29th year in this world, my “no more bullshit year” I have set a list of goals to kick into gear ASAP in order to turn my life into what I truly want it to be. I hate putting things off for the future and then realizing that eventually you have to let that future be the present, otherwise nothing will ever happen EVER.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2012.  This is no new year’s resolution bullshit. This is turning my life into what I want it to be. It is focusing on myself for a change. It is  turning the future into the present and feeling good about what I do every day, and feeling good about failing if I do just because trying my best is all that matters.

To help keep myself motivated and in order to keep track of my progress I’ve decided to start this blog. It’s meant to hold myself accountable for what I do every day and make sure it’s truly what I want to be doing and not me just coasting through life in a series of meaningless activities that make the time go by faster.
I also figure some of my good friends will read this and help hold me accountable for the actions I take this year. 

I will post my list tomorrow of things that I hope to change/accomplish (not in the future but in the now).  Thanks for your support, and I apologize now for all of the bitching I may do later…

Hope you all enjoy your last day of 2012.  I leave you with this question:  What have you been putting off doing for a long time that you can do today?  How amazing would it feel if you got your lazy brain out of your comfort zone and did this thing starting NOW? (not tomorrow or next week). 

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